Einstein never failed math.
Swallowed gum does not take 7 years to digest.
The Great Wall of China is not visible from the Moon.
Fish actually have memories longer than a few seconds.
Sugar does not cause hyperactivity in children. Kids are just crazy.
Interior Designers are not decorators.
And we are not always sparkles and markers.
As the first week of school passed, I stressed myself out anxiously running around, waking up in the early hours of the day for class, and reading more than I read throughout the whole summer in those seven days, a few things came to mind. (and in this order...)
I LOVE INTERIOR DESIGN!!...
Oh my goodness what did I get myself in to...
Is this the right major for me???
Too much.. Too much...
Where am I?
This became grossly apparent while I was around my poor husband. He was so EXCITED about all his classes and getting into his major classes this year, and I was just in a blank, trailed off state 98% of the time. He would have to bring me back to the conversation multiple times with, "Honey, are you listening to me?" And I would snap out of it and say, "yyyyeeeessss?" (God surely blessed me with a patient companion)
I felt so bad! I just was constantly thinking of the multiple assignments and projects given to me in those first days. It's funny how even in my third year of this IDT program I am still surprised at the amount of work given, you would think I would be used to it by now. Not.
What I was definitely not used to was the smack of self-image conflict I was about to undergo. It's funny (not at all funny) how you can be completely wrapped up in work to do and still be concerned about if you are as pretty as the girl next to you. Let me tell you, when that first day of school came around and everyone was wearing their fancy new outfits I was sitting there in my comfy jeans and shirt (which wasn't bad in my opinion), there was a definite feeling of... what was it...
Shame.
Why did I feel this way? Why did I feel like I should have been wearing my pearl skirt with my salmon shirt and floral scarf topped by the finest jewelry I owned. Oh. Right. Cause everyone else was.
That's the thing, these women look so beautiful and cute! I was honestly jealous, and thought I should have thought more about my outfit and hair that day. You know? The feeling where you feel like you should be that girl who ALWAYS looks good. There is an expectation as a girl (especially an interior design girl) to be constantly dolled up. My opinion on that...
There is a time and place. If it isn't that time, or place, WEAR what you want, BE who you are.
I know I am good at interior design. I know my stuff and I am a very creative person. Some express that in their fashion sense every day, and that inspires them in their creativity, whereas I am just inspired in the work that I do, not what I wear.
Don't get me wrong, I want to always look and present myself in public as an interior designer. But I also want people to know the intensity and professional type of work I do. And let me tell you...
It ain't cutsy.
It's hard.
This may sound archaic, but I never want to be judged by my outfit as cute or cuter than the girl next to me (or if it is more or less expensive), and I don't want that to effect my professional career. And sometimes I feel that way. It's a pattern in my mind that needs to be broken. I'm sure its a pattern in a lot of women's minds, and I find that heart breaking.
I feel that God created us women especially beautiful, and that is why the Adversary constantly dogs on us to make us think we are ugly. Then, we buy the most expensive, most elegant clothing (no matter how immodest) and constantly worry about our weight and body image wasting our money on things of the world to "better" ourselves.
Here's the catch, you already have all you need to be a "better" you.
You have a spirit that is aching to show itself, your soul wants to be free to express the unique person that you are. Never forget that you are blessed with the most original and personal mind and heart, one that no one else has.
I especially need to remember.
So just as everyone misconceives that interior designers are decorators, that they just fluff pillows, move furniture, and throw sparkles on things. They also misconceive the women in the trade, and women in general. Though we may look pretty, we have a degree, a T-square, and a hammer to prove ourselves. And there is no better misconception than thinking women have to constantly spend more time looking good than men do. (honestly, who said an average woman has to wear make up every day? I want to find them and get a refund.)
This all will probably sound like a silly overstretched rant that some whiney girl had to get down in writing, but I feel especially sincere about what I am saying. Those who are struggling with self-image, know that you aren't alone, and you have at least me to relate to. And don't you ever forget that your Heavenly Father loves you, in all your beauty, and is always there to uplift you in your sorrow.
This is know without a doubt.
Thank you, my darling husband for helping me see my beauty through your eyes. Love you.
gillian.simmons
